


Birthday Gift

by menel



Series: The Bitter/Sweet Trilogy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, College Years, F/M, M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 06:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/menel/pseuds/menel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's expression remained unreadable as he said, "This is my birthday gift."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthday Gift

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally published on November 4, 2010 on my LiveJournal. It fulfilled the prompt "other: to put them to sleep" on my Kiss Bingo card.

“Tell me.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Come on, Sam,” the voice coaxed. “You can tell me. What happened to ‘no secrets’?”  
  
“This doesn’t qualify.”  
  
“Why? Because this is a fantasy?”  
  
Sam smiled faintly.  
  
“What? You don’t think I can make your fantasy come true?”  
  
“I **know** you can’t.”  
  
Jess jabbed him in the side with her right elbow before rolling over and slipping herself in between his spread legs. He made room for her as she made herself comfortable, propping her chin on top of her hands. She looked up at him. “Now you’re just being mean,” she said.  
  
Sam laughed. “It has nothing to do with you, Jess.”  
  
Jess’s mouth dropped open. “Great,” she said, in mock indignation. “You’ve just gone from being mean to being insulting.” She sat up and crossed her arms. “I just asked for your darkest sexual fantasy. It wasn’t meant to be a big deal. Now you tell me that not only can I **no** **t** fulfill your fantasy, but that it has nothing to do with me.” She looked at him suspiciously. “Are you gay?”  
  
“What?” It was Sam’s turn to sit up, but he was laughing. “No, I’m not gay.”  
  
 **I’m just gay for my brother,** he thought, **which makes me an incestuous freak.**  
  
“So, tell me.”  
  
“No,” Sam protested, lying back against the headboard. “It’s embarrassing.”  
  
“It’s **supposed** to be embarrassing,” Jess pointed out, crawling up Sam’s body. “That’s why it’s a sexual fantasy.”  
  
“It’s perverted,” Sam said flatly.  
  
“Even better. I **knew** you had a kinky streak in you.” Now she was lying on his chest, smiling at him. “So . . . “ she prodded.  
  
Sam hesitated as he looked down at her. They’d only been going together for three months, but already he felt inexplicably close to her. Like he could tell her anything – even his deepest, darkest secret – and she wouldn’t judge him for it. Jess was special. Sam had known that right away. He even thought he loved her, but hadn’t said the words. He could just imagine Dean’s reaction if he told his brother about his feelings for Jess. “It’s been three months, Sammy,” Dean would’ve joked. “That’s not love, that’s awesome sex.” What did Dean know about love anyway? His idea of a relationship was a one-night stand.  
  
Sam sobered at the thought of his brother. He tried not to think about Dean too much these days. College life had plenty of distractions, and Jess was certainly one of them. He mentally sighed. Now he wasn’t being fair to Jess. She was more than a distraction but at this moment, he couldn’t help but feel a little resentment towards her for inadvertently reminding him of his brother. There was no way she could’ve known that she’d stir up these feelings in him when they began talking about sexual fantasies, but that’s exactly what had happened. And now he was torn between telling her the truth and keeping it buried. No one knew about this except for the person in question and that hadn’t gone so well. Part of him thought that it would be a relief to get this burden off his chest, and damn the consequences; the other part thought that some things should stay hidden together with the rest of his Winchester past.  
  
Sam was feeling reckless tonight.  
  
“The fantasy has more to do with who’s in it rather than what’s happening,” he said.  
  
“And who’s in it?”  
  
“My brother.”  
  
Out of all the things Jess could’ve said next, what she did say took Sam by surprise.  
  
“You have a picture of him?”  
  
Sam looked at her blankly. “Um, yeah,” he said after a moment. “I have one in my wallet.”  
  
Jess was already off of him and walking in her underwear across his dorm room to where Sam had left his wallet on top of his desk. It didn’t take her long to find the snapshot. She walked back to the bed and studied the picture under the bedside lamp. “He’s hot,” she remarked.  
  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Thanks.”  
  
Jess laughed and climbed back into bed. “You’re hot too, babe,” she said, reassuringly. She was still holding the photo. “I didn’t even know you had a brother,” she said carefully. “You never talk about your family.”  
  
Sam shrugged, taking the photo from her. “There isn’t much to tell,” he replied.  
  
Jess didn’t believe him for a moment, but she let the comment slide. “So,” she said, “is your fantasy a threesome?”  
  
Sam looked at her thoughtfully. She was offering him an out. A threesome with his brother was kinky, but not necessarily perverted. She was watching him closely.  
  
He should’ve lied. He absolutely should’ve lied.  
  
“No,” he said, looking her straight in the eye.  
  
“Wow,” Jess said softly, leaning back against the headboard. “You’re right. I can’t compete with that.”  
  
“This was never a competition.”  
  
Jess was still processing the information. “How long have you felt this way?” she said at last.  
  
“I don’t know,” Sam sighed, and it was mostly true. He couldn’t remember when his feelings had crossed that boundary. What he did remember was having to keep them hidden, how much harder that struggle became as he had grown older, how disastrous his confession to Dean had turned out.  
  
“You think I’m a freak?” Sam asked after a moment’s silence.  
  
Jess turned to look at him, reaching out for his hand as she did so. She gave it a gentle squeeze. “No," she said, shaking her head. “I think it’s sad.”   
  
Sam looked away. The last thing he wanted was her pity.  
  


* * * * *

“Am I an awesome girlfriend or what?” Jess yelled above the noise.

“You’re awesome!” Sam yelled back, allowing Jess to pull him through the crowd. It was his birthday and Jess had thrown him the biggest birthday party he’d ever had. She’d booked their favorite pub, Murphy’s for the night. A live band was playing and Sam was surrounded with the sort of friends he’d never had growing up. It was the most normal birthday he’d ever had, and that also made it the most surreal.

“Where are we going?” he asked her.

“I have one more surprise for you,” she said. “It’s my birthday present.”

Sam stopped and tugged Jess back, pulling her into his arms. “You mean this isn’t your birthday present?” he asked, referring to the party around them.

Jess wrapped her arms around Sam’s neck. “Think of it as the icing on top of your cake,” she said before pulling him into a kiss.

Sam laughed and let Jess drag him through the crowd once more. He couldn’t imagine what else she had in store. They were heading for one of the tables near the back of the bar. As the crowd parted to make way for them, Sam caught sight of some of the people there. He recognized two of Jess’s friends and a guy from his American lit class that he didn’t know too well. The fourth person also looked familiar but Sam couldn’t see his face. He was talking to one of the girls, who was laughing at whatever he was saying. The stranger laughed too, turning his head as he did so to take a drink of his beer. Sam froze. It couldn’t be.

It was.

Dean lifted his beer bottle in Sam’s direction as a little toast of acknowledgement before taking another drink. He smiled warmly.

“Come on,” Jess said, pulling Sam along.

“Sammy,” Dean greeted him, standing up when the two of them reached the table. He pulled Sam into a hug even as Sam automatically replied, “It’s Sam here.”

Dean slung one arm across his brother’s shoulders and shook his head. “You’ll always be Sammy to me,” he told him and Sam felt a pleasant warmth pooling in his tummy. His senses were on overdrive. Dean’s nearness, his aftershave, the familiar texture of his brother’s worn leather jacket – it was all too much.

“How?” he managed to get out, hoping the other two understood him.

Dean removed his arm from Sam’s shoulder, taking a small step away from him to get a good look at his brother. “Your girlfriend gave me a call,” he said.

Sam shot Jess a confused look. “It wasn’t that hard to find Dean’s number in your phone,” Jess explained. She grinned. “Happy Birthday.”

Sam put his game face on. The moment he had recognized Dean, he knew that there would be no other option. It’s not that he wasn’t happy to see his brother. He was. He just needed to be prepared for these sorts of things. What the hell had Jess been thinking? “I need to get some air,” he told them.

It was a lame excuse and they all knew it. Sam didn’t care. He left them before they could say anything and made his way to the back exit. Once outside, he took a deep breath. He was standing in the alleyway behind the pub and while he could hardly describe the air as fresh, it at least had that cool night scent that was comforting. He let the night breeze blow over his heated face. The bar had become too warm and stuffy for him, and it wasn’t due to the people or the alcohol. He heard the creak of the back door opening and shutting behind him, and knew that Dean had followed him.

“You okay?”

Sam took one more deep breath before turning around to face his brother.

“I’m good,” he said. “Real good.”

“You always were a sucky liar.”

“Only with you,” Sam admitted.

“Listen, I can take off. I didn’t come here to ruin your night.”

“No,” Sam said, much more forcefully than he intended. “You’re not ruining anything. I’m glad you’re here.” To prove his point, he gave Dean a hug. He held onto his brother, waiting until he felt Dean reciprocate. This embrace was warm and genuine. It had none of the awkwardness and shock that Sam had felt inside the bar. After a while, he felt a tap on his back telling him that the hug was going on a little too long for Dean’s liking. Sam released him. “I’m really glad you’re here,” he said again.

Dean nodded. He knew Sam wasn’t lying this time. “Okay,” he said, stepping back slightly. The touchy-feely gig always made him feel antsy.

“So, why’d you come?” Sam asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Dude, it’s your birthday.”

“Well, yeah. I mean,” Sam paused. He wasn’t sure what he meant.

“Your girlfriend’s very persuasive,” Dean filled in for him. “And she’s way out of your league,” he added with a grin.

“That’s what I keep telling her,” Sam joked. “What’d you tell dad?”

Dean shrugged. “The truth.”

“And that worked?” Sam’s tone was incredulous.

“Why wouldn’t it? He knows I’m coming back.”

The jab hit too close to home and Sam shifted uncomfortably.

“That came out wrong.”

“It’s cool.” Sam brushed the comment aside.

“So . . .” Dean searched for something to say, settling for the painfully obvious. “How’s college life?”

“It’s tough.”

Dean gave him a pointed look. Tough was a relative term in their lives.

“Nerdy,” Sam reassessed.

That made Dean laugh. “Then you’re right at home.”

It was an odd choice of words and the brothers felt the awkwardness return.

“You wanna go back inside?” Dean suggested.

“You think you can handle that crowd?” Sam taunted.

“Watch me.”

* * * * *

The party broke up a little past three in the morning.

“You can’t drive in your condition.”

“I’m not plastered.”

That was true. Sam suspected he was the one that was plastered. At least, it was a good excuse to lean into his brother, who was preventing him from swaying. “Crash at my dorm,” he offered. “You can head back in the morning.”

“Which way is your dorm?”

Sam pointed in the general direction of the building and they set off.

There was something both surreal and familiar about Dean bringing him home. Sam’s room was on the second floor, which was fortunate since Sam didn’t think he would’ve been able to negotiate a second flight of stairs. He felt horribly unfit next to his brother. Dean was all smooth lines and firm muscle. While Sam didn’t exactly have a beer gut, he was barely able to get to the gym twice a week.

They made it to his room, where Sam crashed face down on his bed. He was aware of Dean pulling off his shoes and socks, and he made the effort of turning himself around. He wanted to get under the covers, but his bed sheets refused to cooperate. He shifted when he felt Dean pull the sheets down and grinned stupidly when Dean pulled them over his body.

“Did Mom tuck you in at night?”

Dean started. He had been so sure that Sam had drifted off to sleep as soon as he was under the covers.

“’Course,” he answered. He was standing by the side of his brother’s bed, his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Did she read you stories?”

“She read stories, sometimes she sang.” Dean felt tired all of a sudden. He didn’t know why Sam would choose to bring this up now. It was always hard thinking about their mother. He sat at the edge of Sam’s bed. “Why are you asking me this?”

“’Cos I was thinking,” Sam’s speech was slightly slurred, a combination of the alcohol and his own fatigue. “I was thinking you were kinda like a mom to me growing up, you know? You’d tuck me in at night and read me comic books.”

“I never sang.”

“Good thing too ‘cos that might’ve scarred me for life,” Sam joked.

“Wise ass.”

Sam smiled. “Sometimes you’d even kiss me good night. On the forehead.”

Dean looked at him thoughtfully. “And all along I thought you were asleep.”

“I pretended to be,” Sam admitted. “Otherwise, you’d never have done it.”

Dean shook his head. “Nothing’s changed much then,” he said. “I’m still tucking you in, college boy.”

“Does that mean I get a good night kiss?”

“Are you asking for one?”

“What if I was?”

Dean was looking at him strangely and Sam hated that he couldn’t read his brother’s expression. It seemed as if Dean had made up his mind about something and Sam watched in slow motion as his brother leaned over him. He inhaled Dean’s scent, he felt the heat coming off his body, he saw the amulet that he had given Dean hanging from his brother’s neck. Sam’s skin was tingling from the nearness, although there was barely any contact between them. Then he felt the gentle pressure of lips placing a kiss on his forehead. He sighed and closed his eyes.

The kiss couldn’t have lasted more than a second. When Sam opened his eyes again, he found Dean still leaning over him, watching him intently. Dean had braced himself by placing one hand on either side of Sam’s body. His expression remained unreadable as he said, “This is my birthday gift.”

Before Sam could register what was happening, Dean was giving him another kiss. A **real** kiss. His brother tasted of the tequila shots that he had ended the night with together with a salty tang. Dean controlled the kiss completely and it was better, so much better than the first time because there was no deception between them. Sam thought he might cry and when he felt the wetness on his cheek, he knew that he was crying. The kiss ended only because he didn’t want to cry into his brother’s mouth.

“You’ll stay, right?” Sam said, holding onto the lapel of Dean’s leather jacket.

Dean was supporting his weight on his left arm as he brushed away the tears from Sam’s cheek with the pad of his right thumb.

“Sleep now, Sammy.”

“You’ll stay?” Sam persisted, even as he felt his eyelids growing heavy. “You’ll be here in the morning?”

There was a quick brush of lips against his and Sam felt his grip loosening on Dean’s jacket. He was losing his battle with fatigue.

“Sleep now.”

Dean’s voice was beautiful and it was lulling him to sleep. His eyes drifted shut. Dean would be there in the morning.

* * * * *

Sam woke at noon with a pounding headache. He turned over in bed, grimacing at the sunlight that flooded his room. He threw an arm across his eyes in an attempt to block out the bright light. That was when the events of the night before came flooding back and he bolted upright. Bad idea. He winced as he held his head in his hands. When the throbbing subsided a little, he looked around the room. It was empty. Sam wasn’t surprised.

A little later, after he managed to drag himself out of bed, he found the note that Dean had left for him under his cell phone. It said, “Don’t be a stranger.” Sam folded the note carefully and slipped it into his wallet. He meant to call Dean. He really did. But somehow, he never got around to doing it.

Dean never called him either.

 

**Fin.**


End file.
